Sonic Housemates
by Mecha Scorpion
Summary: Five unlikely heroes end up subletting the same house for the summer. In between Sonic's daredevil antics, Tails' madcap inventions, Knuckles' rampant drug consumption, Amy's insatiable jealousy and Shadow's insufferable arrogance, the group must contend with the local townies, rival gangs and the machinations of a mysterious landlord...
1. Not-So-Humble Beginnings

Sonic Housemates

"_He is the happiest, be he king or peasant, who finds peace in his home" –_Goethe

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"And then he said that he'd never even heard of a Chinese restaurant before," Sonic laughed, yanking this way and that on the steering wheel as he drove down a quiet country road. "And then _I_ said, what kind of dentist are you anyway? And he–"

"Sonic, slow down!" pleaded Amy, wide-eyed in the passenger seat. "If you keep going so fast, we'll miss the house!"

Sonic rolled his eyes and gave his girlfriend an affectionate smooch on the cheek. "Relax, Amy! We're going to be fine. The landlord said it was the first white house on the left."

"You mean, the first white house on the left after we turn onto the street we're on now?" said Amy skeptically.

"No, just in general."

"SONIC! If you don't figure out where this damn house is, we'll be stuck in the middle of nowhere FOREVER!" she whined.

"We're not in the middle of nowhere!" Sonic argued. "This is Mountain Valley! Home to thousands of college students! This is where I'll be living for the next four years!"

"I just don't get why you had to move here at the _beginning _of the summer," Amy sulked. "I mean, we just finished high school! Don't you want to have fun in Christmas Island with everybody this summer? Don't you want to be with… _me?_"

"I told you, my parents are making me move out," Sonic said morosely. "Apparently they wanted me to, like, get a job or something…" His face twitched in the manner of a PTSD victim as he tried to blot out the horrible thought. "And the dorms aren't open yet, so they said I should sublet someone's place for the summer and get used to the area."

"Do you even know these people?" Amy demanded.

"No, but apparently all the regular occupants are gone for the summer, so all the other residents are summer subletters, too," said Sonic. "I guess we'll all just kind of get to know each other."

"Well, I think it's a stupid idea," Amy moaned, but Sonic's attention turned to his rearview mirror. A black motorcycle was zooming up behind them, getting closer every second.

"What's this?" said Sonic with an amused smile, and sped up. "Some dumb townie kid who thinks he's the fastest thing on the road? Well, I'll show him a thing or two!"

"SONIC!" screeched Amy as the car accelerated past the point of reason. But Sonic was oblivious. He was In the Zone. With a flick of his gloved finger, "Turn Down For What" blasted out of the car speakers at full volume, and now nothing could stop him. The landscape turned into a massive blur. Yet, to Sonic's fury, the black motorcycle kept pace behind.

"Oh, so he's playing games now, huh?" growled Sonic as he approached a curve in the road. "Well, I'll show him! Hang on, Amy!"

"SONIC!"

They took the curve at full speed. Sonic threw on the brakes with expert timing, and the car fishtailed across the curve, screeching and spinning. The black motorcycle was right alongside them now. Sonic unbuckled his seatbelt, climbed out of his window and hurled himself at the motorcycle, knocking the black-helmeted rider clean off. They tumbled into the ditch.

"What was that for, you fool!" screamed the rider, jumping to his feet abruptly and turning his helmeted head to face his attacker.

"Reveal yourself!" demanded Sonic with a cocky grin, jumping up just as abruptly. "I have a right to know what punks think they can outrun me on _my_ road."

"Your road!" the rider bellowed. "It's me who's king of these parts! You're probably just some dumb townie kid who thinks he's the fastest thing on the road! Well, I'll show you a thing or two!"

"Yeah? BRING IT ON!" shrieked Sonic, brandishing his fists.

"SONIC!" yelled Amy, materializing out of nowhere and separating the two would-be combatants. "Get a hold on yourself! The house is right up here!"

"The house?" said Sonic, coming to his senses. "Oh, right... are you sure it's number 29, Canary Lane?"

"Hold up," said the black-helmeted rider. "29 Canary Lane? That's _my_ house."

"Fat chance!" Sonic howled. "You probably just want to live with me so you can try and take my one-in-a-kind style!"

"The only thing I'll be taking from you is your life!" the rider shouted, and dramatically whipped off his helmet. A mane of black quills emerged, followed by a pointy snout and two glaring red eyes.

"Wait… _Shadow?" _said Sonic. "No wonder! Who else would pull such an arrogant stunt? But what are you doing out here?"

"Just because I was the coolest kid in high school doesn't mean I don't have book smarts," bragged Shadow. "I'm attending University of Moebius Mountain Valley this fall! My parents said that I couldn't live at home this summer unless I got a job…" His face darkened in temporary agony at the thought. "So I'm subletting a house this summer."

"I guess we're in the same boat, then," concluded Sonic. "But then… why did you think I might be a dumb townie kid? Didn't you recognize me?"

"Wait, have I met you before?" said Shadow, looking confused.

"You dope! We attended the same public school system for the last nine years! Don't pretend that you don't know who I am!" Sonic screamed.

"Oh, sorry," smirked Shadow. "All the fans, you know… it gets hard to–"

"Oh shut up! I'll never share a house with a pathetic faker like you!" Sonic yelled.

"Well, neither will I!" Shadow retorted, and ran for his motorcycle. Sonic lunged for his car, Amy hanging off of his arm by her fingernails. But Shadow's motorcycle was a wreck, and Amy refused to give the car keys back to Sonic.

"It's a race, then!" Sonic hissed, and took off for the house on foot, with Shadow in hot pursuit.

"It's my house!" the black hedgehog spat, elbowing Sonic in the ribs.

"MY house!" Sonic snarled, kicking Shadow in the shin.

"No, MY HOUSE!"

"MY HOUSE!"

"MINE!"

"ME!"

"MYSELF!"

"I AM THE GREATEST!"

"I AM INDUBITABLY SUPERIOR!"

"I AM GOD!"

"WORSHIP ME!"

"NO!"

"DIE!"

"NO!"

"GO AWAY!"

"NOOOOOO!" Sonic bellowed, and put on a desperate burst of speed. The house was just up ahead. Shadow leaped forward and grabbed Sonic's foot as it swung through the air. Sonic stumbled, and the two of them bounced in a pile of flailing limbs down the driveway in the front yard.

"I AM THE KING OF EVERYTHING!" 

"EVERYBODY LOVES ME!"

"I WON EVERY ACADEMY AWARD TWICE!" 

"QUIET!" bellowed an unfamiliar voice, and the two combatants separated, panting and licking their wounds. A grouchy fox's face was peering out of the upstairs window.

"I require complete serenity in order to work on my inventions," began the fox, his voice shaking in rage, "and I will not have a bunch of unruly, uneducated imbeciles disturbing my peace and quiet!"

"Well, this is our house too," blurted out Sonic. "I mean, MY house, of course," he said, glaring at Shadow. "You can't have everything your way, you know!"

"I can't put up with any more of this lunacy!" the fox shrieked, going off the deep end entirely. "First that blasted echidna moves in with all of his stupid boomboxes, weightlifting to Chief Keef all day and crying to Drake all night. Then that other summer tenant cancels last minute and leaves us all to cover his rent. And now you two fools!"

"What the hell's going on here!" yelled Shadow. "I came up here for a quiet place to enjoy the summer before college, and now I'm living with Drake!"

"Allow me to explain," came a voice from behind. They all whirled around and glared suspiciously at a small robotic Chao that was ambling up the driveway, Amy in tow.

"This good woman told me that you needed assistance," the Chao said. "My name is Omochao, and I'm the real estate broker for this property."

"Who cares? I want to talk to the landlord at once!" growled Sonic.

"Unfortunately, the landlord of this property prefers to keep his identity private," said Omochao. "All of you worked the details out with him by e-mail, correct?" 

"Well… yes, now that you mention it," admitted the fox. "But who's going to be responsible for all this!"

"You are," Omochao said firmly. "The four of you– Sonic, Shadow, Tails, and Knuckles (whenever he leaves his room) must figure out a way to share this space for the next three months, until the semester begins and you all move into your campus residences."

"So everyone in the house is a college student?" Tails said, calming somewhat. "Well, that's good. At least I won't be around a lot of uneducated riffraff. Although, who knows… perhaps admissions standards have declined," he snickered rudely.

"What about the other tenant?" said Sonic suspiciously. "I thought there were five people living here this summer, and this nerdy little fuzzball says that somebody recently canceled."

"Yes, that is correct," Omochao said. "It's a five-bedroom place, but the rent is for the whole property, so you guys will have to work together to pay the difference."

"Wait," said Amy. "So that extra bedroom is available?"

"Yes, no one is renting it right now," said Omochao.

Amy's eyes lit up with joy. She turned excitedly to Sonic, who smiled weakly.

"Wait," Shadow sputtered, "now this loser's going to move his GIRLFRIEND in as well! This is worse than before! I'll have to listen to them… you know, kissing and stuff!"

"What's the matter?" taunted Sonic. "Can't get any action yourself?"

"I'll have you know that I can get any girl, any time I want!" Shadow snarled.

"How about a bet, then," said Sonic, thinking fast. "We go out on the town tonight. We see how many girls' numbers we can get."

"SONIC!" Amy screeched in jealous fury.

"If you get more numbers," continued Sonic calmly, staring Shadow dead in the eye, "then I'll gladly admit you're the fastest thing on the road, and that you've got all the right moves when it comes to the ladies. And, I'll pay the rent for the extra room."

"And what if you get more numbers?" Shadow said, breathless with anticipation.

"Then you have to be my servant for the entire summer," Sonic whispered.

"It's a deal!" Shadow whooped, and they shook on it, as Amy wailed to the heavens and Tails gnashed his teeth in fury. Meanwhile, deep in the recesses of the house, a hand covered in a spiked glove turned up the volume on a massive soundsystem, and "Started From The Bottom" soon drowned out the uproar from outside.

"Ugh, guess I'll never have any peace and quiet again," muttered Knuckles, peering between the blinds at the scene going on in the yard. "Those guys look like the least chill people of all time. I just hope that they don't do drugs…"

He opened up his cabinet and peered inside. There were vials of liquid LSD, metal containers full of MDMA, bricks of cocaine, Ziploc bags full of different strains of marijuana, and an unimaginable assortment of pill bottles, all chock full of illicitly obtained prescription meds..

"…Because I don't like to share."

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What do you guys think? Review!


	2. Woes

Sonic Housemates

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"Allow me to show you around your new home," Omochao said to Sonic, Shadow and Amy.

"No thanks," sneered Shadow. "You think I need a little locust like you explaining what a house is to me? I mean, I think we get the idea. It's a house. You live in it." Amy laughed loudly at Shadow's funny joke while glaring at Sonic, and Shadow turned triumphantly towards Tails. "Let's ditch these losers. Why don't you show me some of those inventions of yours?"

"Well, all right, as long as you don't take any of the ideas," Tails relented.

"Trust me, I have so many brilliant ideas of my own, I don't need any of yours," Shadow said kindly, pushing the fox violently through the front door of the house and disappearing out of sight. Amy laughed again in a desperate tone of voice, like a fat man trying to escape a humiliating robbery at the hands of a famous stand-up comedian. But Sonic was in no mood to think about his past. His future was looking grimmer by the moment.

"Amy," he said feebly, "doesn't it seem a little early for us to be moving in together?"

"We've been dating for almost a year, Sonic T. Hedgehog, and this way, we won't have to be in a long-distance relationship this summer! We can have a very CLOSE-distance relationship! And this way, our parents won't be able to do anything to stop us from–"

"Right this way," coughed Omochao, gesturing towards the front door, and Amy leaped inside with a demonic squeal of glee, yanking Sonic behind her like a disobedient puppy. "So this is the–"

"We don't need to hear all the details," said Sonic impatiently. "Where are our rooms?" 

"Well, you can pick any of the three vacant rooms you want," said Omochao. "There's one vacant room upstairs, and two on the ground floor."

"That's perfect! Shadow can live upstairs with Tails, and Sonic and I can live right next to each other!" Amy cheered. "Maybe we can even take down the wall between our two rooms!"

"Well, actually," muttered Omochao as Sonic violently made a slashing hand gesture behind Amy's back, "the landlord insists that there be no modifications made to the house itself. You can put up posters and stuff, but the house itself should be in no way tampered with."

"Who is this landlord, anyway, Sonic?" Amy asked.

"I just talked to him online," Sonic mumbled. "I think his name was Mr. Madgen or something like that…"

"Precisely," Omochao confirmed. "Mr. Madgen is often traveling for business, and he's not sure when he will next be in the area. He's authorized me to relay all information to you and to handle all the collection of rent money, repairs to the house, and so on."

"Speaking of rent, how much is that going to be?" said Amy.

"The total rent, which I will come to collect on the 1st of each month, is 2000 rings per month, not including utilities," said Omochao. "If you each split it five ways, that's 400 rings per month for each of you."

"I don't have that kind of money!" Amy declared. "Sonic, can you pay for me?"

"I don't have that kind of money either! My parents are paying for my room, but they said the most they'd pay for me this summer was 500 rings a month. There's no way they'd pay enough for your room to be covered too," said Sonic, smiling with relief.

"Well, that's perfect! I can stay in your room with you, and we'll keep the fifth room open and the four of you can each pay 500 a month then until we find a fifth… oh, sorry, sixth housemate!" said Amy blissfully, and she started describing her plans for the redecoration of the house while Sonic beat his head on the kitchen counter in fury.

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"This is crazy!" Shadow exclaimed, looking around Tails' bedroom, which was full of expensive-looking abacuses, calculators, charts, computers, and other obscure scientific equipment. "You have so much inventionizing stuff in here!"

"Yeah, well, I don't give a fuck about any of it," muttered Tails, shoving a microscope off his desk and letting it crash to the floor.

"What do you mean?" said Shadow. "I thought you were an inventor."

"I am," said Tails, peeking nervously out the window as he drew the blinds shut. "But this stuff has nothing to do with it."

"So why do you have all this stuff?"

"I'm in school for astrophysics," said Tails, "and I need to appear like I'm doing research, or I'll lose my grants and scholarships and so on."

"Well, are you actually doing the research?"

"Yeah, but I already finished the research," said Tails, walking over to a closet door, "and I didn't need all this shit to do it, either. I already have my final papers typed up for the next two years. This is just to convince people I'm still a busy student."

"So what do you actually invent?" said Shadow.

"Wanna see?" smirked Tails, and he opened the closet door to reveal a military-grade assortment of apparatuses intended for the purpose of smoking marijuana.

"Are these all bongs?" Shadow mumbled, staring in slack-jawed astonishment at the incredible hoard. "I've never seen anything like these."

"Only I know the names for the things I've invented," Tails grinned, producing a mysterious glass device that resembled a miniature trumpet combined with a giant ice cube. "I'm already getting enough grant and scholarship money from this astrophysics bullshit to cover my expenses, and it's not worth the danger of getting caught by the police, so none of these things are on the market. I invent them for my own use– and for my friends, of course." 

"Well, a friend with weed is a friend indeed," Shadow smiled, reaching into the surgical slits in his hips that he used as pockets, and withdrawing a fat quarter ounce of finest dank. "After meeting that idiotic faker, his moronic girlfriend, and that foolish metallic onion, I was beginning to think that nobody around here would be cool enough to blaze."

"Well, you're in no danger of running out of smoking partners around here," Tails muttered, packing his piece with Shadow's weed and lighting it, "but I'm not sure if they're all as cool as you and me."

"What do you mean?" said Shadow.

"Our fifth housemate," said Tails darkly, passing the piece to Shadow, "who's turned the entire basement into his personal drug den and gymnasium, is constantly coming into my room to try to smoke my weed, and who is always carrying around a Beats pill blasting–"

"I WAS RUNNING THROUGH THE SIX WITH MY WOES!"

The door to Tails' room was blasted off its hinges. A cloud of vape smoke flooded into the room, dispelling Shadow and Tails' puny wisps of weed smoke and sending both boys into a coughing fit. All that they could see in the smoke-enshrouded doorway was a spiked glove, festooned with swag and gold bracelets, clutching a Beats pill that was blasting out Drake's famous song at an unthinkably loud volume. THUG was tattooed across the knuckles of the glove, and pretty soon another glove emerged with LYFE tattooed on it. The gloves were followed by the muscular body of a red echidna, who was screaming "YOU KNOW HOW THAT SHIT GO!" as he blew another plume of vape smoke into Shadow and Tails' astonished faces.

"KNUCKLES!" shrieked Tails. "For the last time, cut it out with the music upstairs! Only in the basement, I told you!"

"What's poppin, chiller killers?" Knuckles muttered. "Oh look, we got a new homie! Welcome to the family, my brother!" He attempted a complicated handshake with Shadow, who extricated his hand as quickly as possible from the doomed proceedings. Knuckles flailed his hand around some more and then said, "You guys got any weed?"

"Sure I do," said Tails, "when you pay me back for what you already smoked!"

"How about you, man?" said Knuckles to Shadow, who shook his head while packing more of his own weed into Tails' piece. "Man, what kind of dealers are you guys?"

"I'm not a dealer," said Shadow.

"Man, what kind of gangsta are you if you ain't no dealer?"

"I'm not a gangsta either," said Shadow.

"Well, what kind of black guy are you if you ain't no gangsta?"

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Shadow yelled, leaping out of his chair and smashing Knuckles in the face. The astonished echidna was so unprepared for this that he fell flat on his ass.

"Shadow, hold off!" Tails said. "Knuckles doesn't mean anything by it. He's insensitive, but he's obsessed with what he thinks of as 'black culture.' He thinks anyone who's black, whether they're an African-American rapper or a black-furred animal, is cool."

"It's still racist, whether or not he thinks so or not," Shadow sneered. "And he's still a dumbass."

"Well, I won't argue with you there," said Tails, taking a huge toke of weed.

"A dumbass, huh?" Knuckles snarled. "I ain't no dumbass! Them's fighting words!"

"You really want to fight me? I just knocked you on your ass," said Shadow disdainfully.

"I'll beat you in any competition you can possibly think of, yo!" Knuckles roared.

"Well, then, you can join that blue bitch downstairs on the I Wish I Could Be As Cool As Shadow Committee and see which of the three of us can score the most girls' phone numbers tonight," said Shadow.

"Man, it's a deal, fool! Where we gonna be at?" said Knuckles.

"Well, Sonic, Amy and Shadow and I will be going to see The Weeknd perform tonight at the University of Moebius' hottest sorority house," said Tails. "I know the girls who live there, but unfortunately, I can only bring three guests max. You can go pick up girls by the Dumpsters out back, if you want, but I don't think they'll let you in."

"Are you serious? I love The Weeknd, yo! Don't do this to me!" Knuckles pleaded while Shadow and Tails high-fived. "I'll do anything to get in there! I don't care if you get more girls, you feel me, just let me come along with y'all!"

"Sorry," Tails smirked. "I'll post a video of it on Instagram for you to watch outside."

"Did somebody say The Weeknd is playing around here tonight?" Amy screamed from downstairs. "I LOVE that man! We need to go!" They could hear her charging up the stairs, with the sound of Sonic being dragged behind her.

"Sounds great," said Tails, pressing a button on his desk, and a silent vent opened up in the ceiling that sucked away all of the weed and vape smoke in the blink of an eye. The room smelled and looked completely fine when Amy and Sonic arrived upstairs.

"Did you hear that, Sonic?" Amy bellowed. "We're going to see The Weeknd!"

Sonic was thinking fast. On the one hand, he had no real interest in going to a concert with Amy, especially not one where she'd be salivating over some floppy-haired singer. But on the plus side, this was the only thing that could distract Amy enough for him to get some girls' numbers tonight. He didn't want to hook up with anyone besides Amy, despite his fear of living at close proximity to her for the whole summer. He just wanted to show that obnoxious rocket-shoe-wearing black furball who was really the top hog around here…

"Sounds great," he said with a big smile in Shadow's direction. "I really look forward to it."

"Why, so you can suck The Weeknd's dick backstage while we make out with your girlfriend?" said Shadow, and a huge fight ensued, during which Knuckles screamed "RUNNING THROUGH THE SIX WITH MY WOES" no less than forty-five times.

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I will be updating this story again soon hopefully! Read and review!


	3. Stiff Competition

Sonic Housemates

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"I'm so excited for this concert!" Amy squealed, jumping up and down in a frenzy. "What am I going to wear! Sonic, can you drive me out shopping?"

"I don't know, Amy, I'd rather settle into the new house a little bit first," said Sonic, edging towards the door.

"UGH! You never do anything for me! All I need is a ride!" she whined petulantly.

"I was gonna go into town anyway, yo," said Knuckles with a stoned grin. "I could take you out for a spin in my big ol' whip, you feel me?"

"You have a car?" Amy exclaimed. "All right! Let's go! Bye bye, Sonic!"

As she and Knuckles departed to the tune of "Versace" booming out of Knuckles' Beats pill, Sonic, Shadow and Tails were left with some peace and quiet.

"Ugh, I thought you were annoying, but that loudmouth…" Shadow and Sonic said simultaneously, gesturing respectively to where Amy and Knuckles had stood and shaking their heads in unison. Upon realizing their synchronicity, they glared in opposite directions.

"Relax, guys," said Tails with a big smile, producing a custom-made bong that resembled a dragon. "This will give us rational ones some time to figure out some house rules."

"We don't need any house rules, besides this is my house and I rule," Shadow said dismissively, putting his feet up on one of the discarded microscopes, only to withdraw it immediately as his rocket boot switched on and almost set the microscope ablaze. "What more do we need to discuss?"

"Well, for starters, we need to split up the rent," said Tails. "It's 400 each way, plus utilities–"

"Actually," Sonic said uneasily, "Amy, er, won't be paying, so the four of us each have to pay 500."

"Are you fucking serious?" Shadow demanded.

"Yeah, I mean–"

"I'm not asking if you're serious about the fact that she said she can't pay," said Shadow, "I'm just amazed that you actually believe that."

"What do you mean?" demanded Sonic, fists clenched. "Are you calling my girlfriend a liar?"

"She just went out shopping for new clothes! You really think she doesn't have any money?" Shadow smiled. "And if I know Knuckles, he might try to throw her some money for–"

"What I think Shadow is saying," Tails hastily interrupted as Sonic's eyes bulged out of their sockets with rage, "is that Amy needs to contribute to the household in equal measure. If she can't pay, maybe she can take care of the domestic work."

"My girlfriend isn't going to do your chores!" Sonic yelled, foaming at the mouth.

"When she gets back," said Tails, "we'll discuss it with her. Maybe she'll get a job around here and decide to pay rent as well. Unfortunately, however, unless she's paying rent, she can't have the fifth bedroom. It's in the rules."

"What rules?" Shadow snarled.

"The rules we all agreed to when we signed our contracts to sublet this place," Tails sighed. "So we should really start looking for a fifth… sorry, sixth housemate, for the fifth room."

"Earlier, when we in the driveway, didn't you say that someone else canceled at the last minute?" Sonic asked, calming down somewhat.

"Yes," said Tails darkly, "but I'd rather not talk about it."

"I'd rather you did talk about it," Shadow said.

"Well, in that case," Tails said, "I will. This other guy named Big the Cat was supposed to live with us. He moved in all his stuff, which wasn't much– the main thing was a frog tank. But the day before he was supposed to move in for good, his frog escaped, and now no one's heard from him."

"Typical cats, always obsessed with frogs," sneered Shadow.

"I think Amy knows that guy," said Sonic. "Well, let's keep our eyes and ears open for a fifth housemate."

"That was the corniest thing I've ever heard," Shadow cackled. "Tails, how about we smoke up again?"

"You guys are smoking weed?" said Sonic uncertainly.

"Every time you open your mouth, another little bit of your loser soul comes out in the form of a sentence and dies in front of us," said Shadow. "Of course we're fucking smoking weed! We're going to college in Mountain Valley! What else is there to do?"

"Well, I actually came out here to get an education," said Sonic with an air of superiority.

"So did I," smiled Tails. "Come on, dude, it's the summer. We're going to a concert tonight. You don't have any responsibilities in the immediate future, right?"

"Well, sure," said Sonic, "but I've never really smoked before… and if Amy notices…"

"Trust me," said Tails, "if she's riding in Knuckles' car right now, there is a 100% chance that she is high."

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"And then he said that he'd never even heard of a Chinese restaurant before, yo," Knuckles chuckled, swerving all over the road like a maniac while waving his hand around to disperse the thick weed smoke obscuring the windshield. "And then I said–"

"Knuckles, can you please slow down a little bit?" pleaded Amy, trying not to inhale. "And maybe roll down the windows? I feel sick."

Knuckles obliged at the next stop light, and Amy had the chance to look around a little bit. They had driven out of the forested suburbs that they were to call home for the summer. Now they were in the sleepy little town of Mountain Valley. The town consisted mostly of a pretty main street full of shops, trees, fountains and pedestrians. Up on the face of the mountain that loomed above the town, Amy could see the impressive buildings that formed the University of Moebius Mountain Valley's campus.

"Wow," she said. "Sonic's really going to college…"

"Word, UMMMV's a great place," said Knuckles. "I miss it there."

"What do you mean? I thought you were a student?" Amy asked.

"I sold drugs to an undercover cop at a party last year," Knuckles mumbled, driving down the main street, "so they kicked me out."

"What! That's not that big of a deal! They should give you another chance!" said Amy indignantly.

"I wasn't really that into all the schoolwork and stuff," said Knuckles, "so it's fine this way. And I'm still selling tons of drugs to the students and living like a king. But it does interfere with going to parties and stuff… like The Weeknd's concert tonight. Man, I wish I could see that!"

"Well, you would sell a ton of drugs at that concert, that's for sure," said Amy. "Most of The Weeknd's fans are like, drug addicts basically."

"They won't let me in," said Knuckles. "I know that house. You can't get in unless you have a spot, and Tails only has three spots to give. But you guys should go. It'll be fun."

They pulled up to another intersection. This one was in the more bar–centric part of town. A large black bus with tinted windows pulled up alongside them, and Amy gave it a glance.

"Holy shit!" she exclaimed. "I've figured it all out!"

"What?"

"That's The Weeknd's tour bus!" she said, pointing at the bus. "I've seen it before, I know that's it! What if you offer to sell The Weeknd drugs? Then you'll get invited in for sure!" 

"Of course!" Knuckles exclaimed. "That's a great idea! So what do we do?"

"Follow that bus," said Amy. "Once it parks somewhere, we can approach and you can try to work something out with him. Oh my god! I just realized I'm about to meet The Weeknd!"

They followed the bus down a few side streets, until it stopped in front of a house. Knuckles casually parked the car within observational distance.

"Well, aren't you going to go try to talk to him?" said Amy.

"Soon," said Knuckles. "First I want to see why they're here."

"Look!" said Amy, pointing at the bus, from which a slender, large-headed figure was emerging… a figure with a horn on his nose…

"What? Espio?" Knuckles spluttered in confusion. "What's he doing here?

"Who?"

"That guy there," growled Knuckles as the chameleon entered the house, "is a known snitch around here. Him and his buddies Vector and Charmy consider themselves some kind of undercover detective agency…. But why was he on that bus?"

"Maybe he's trying to bust The Weeknd for drug possession," said Amy. "We can't let that happen!"

"They're waiting for him to come back," said Knuckles, pointing at the stationary bus. "I'm going to go on there and try to make this happen. Are you coming with me?"

"I don't know, maybe I should wait here," said Amy nervously.

"Don't you want to meet The Weeknd?" said Knuckles, and immediately Amy was right behind him. They proceeded towards the bus, whose doors were open, and Knuckles swaggered confidently on board.

"Who wants some drugs, yo?" he shouted into the bus' interior, and two bodyguards appeared out of nowhere and put him in a headlock.

"Stop!" squealed Amy. "We just want to talk to The Weeknd!"

"Yeah, you and everyone else," growled one of the two security guards, who turned out to be…

"Vector? Mighty?" Knuckles said with astonishment, pushing his way away from the crocodile and the armadillo. "What are you doing here?"

"And Charmy, don't forget!" came a deafening squeal, and a hyperactive bee rocketed out of a seemingly inert suitcase and started buzzing around the room, guzzling Red Bull and bouncing off the walls.

"Detective work wasn't paying the bills no more," said Vector. "We're security guards for The Weeknd now! And you have to leave!"

"I was, uh, just hoping to introduce Amy here to–" Knuckles muttered uncomfortably.

"We know you're here to sell drugs, Knuckles," sighed Mighty. "But your services aren't required. Espio is taking care of that right now."

"What!" screamed Knuckles, dreadlocks flying in all directions. "You bastards referred him to someone else? Who's got better stuff than me?"

"The guy living in that house there," said Vector indifferently, pointing outside.

Without another word, Knuckles sprinted off the bus, Amy following close behind. He reached the front door of the house and began to hammer on it with his fists, at which point a smooth futuristic voice came from an intercom above the door and said, "Name and identification, please."

"Fuck off!" yelled Knuckles, at which the intercom suddenly swiveled around to reveal a laser gun, which blasted him backwards off the porch in a smoldering heap.

"Knuckles!" Amy cried in horror. "Are you all right?"

"Oh, it's nothing that can't be fixed," came an evil voice, and Amy glared up at the porch. Standing on it was Espio, arms folded and a smirk on his face. But he wasn't the one who had spoken. Standing next to him was a human being with a big mustache, a pair of shiny sunglasses, and a round waist.

"It's nothing that can't be fixed," repeated the human with a malicious grin. "At least… not by a doctor."

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